Friday, March 15, 2002

HITLER'S APPLICATION TO US ART SCHOOL ACCEPTED 78 YEARS TOO LATE
Following revelations that student visas for two of the 9-11 hijackers were approved and received 6 months after their flights into the World Trade Center, (Bush bashes INS over hijackers' visas), it's been learned that Adolph Hitler's 1924 application to the Parson's School of Design was recently approved.

"Welcome incoming freshman!" reads the acceptance letter sent to Hitler's original Barvarian PO Box. "Your years at Parson will be a most challenging and rewarding time and could help you to change the course of history!" The letter's final paragraph notes Hitler has been assigned to the "Yoni Shimelman dormatory."

Representatives from Parson's School of Design stumbled to explain how Hitler's application could have "fallen through the cracks" for most of a century. "The girls in the admissions office are young, bridge and tunnel types," offered one official. "They're all La Vida Loca, you know? Maybe they just didn't recognize the name as one of the last century's most heinous and evil murderers?"

Hitler's drawing and painting skills were well-developed by the time of his application (see his portfolio piece to the right). Had he been exposed to exciting new cultures and giving the proper structure and training, it's widely assumed Hitler could have developed into a painter of renown. Instead, his application was lost, Hitler developed an interest in politics and eventually started a genocidal war in which more than 50 million died.

"Had we known approving this one application could have changed the course of history, I'm sure some financial aid could have been arranged," said a Parson spokesman. "But these things happen. Stuff gets lost all the time. For instance, I'm always losing my apartment keys.

"Hey do me a favor," requested a Parson's board member. "If anyone finds out Osama's kids are applying to art school, somebody call and give us a head's up."

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