Monday, May 13, 2002

Our friend Warren from Hollywood (whose show "Off Centre" has been picked up by The WB for next season, Thursdays at 9:30 pm), sent us an interior monolog for the old lady at Artist Pointe we discussed in the Disney story below. Let's start with that image again:

OLD LADY: (VOICEOVER, TENSE) Wonderful, here comes the waitress. I know Carl will be ordering his usual, half ice-tea, half lemonade. An Arnold Palmer, he'll call it, and then he'll explain to the waitress that it's named after the famous golfer because that's what he drank. But of course he's only talking to her so he can stare at her chest!

Then without ever taking his eyes off her, he'll flip a thumb at me and say, "she'll have the same." Well, I don't want the same! I hate Arnold Palmer! Not the golfer, he's nice, handsome too, but I hate that drink! For just this once I am ordering something I want! God damn it, give me one moment of dignity in my life!

(THEN, OUT LOUD, TO WAITRESS) I'd like a... an orange soda. (SMILES)

(THEN, VOICEOVER AGAIN) Look at Carl! He can't believe it. He probably won't speak to me for the rest of the meal.

Orange soda. Where did that come from? I don't even like orange soda. (LOOKING AROUND RESTAURANT) Oh well. I just hope no one judges me for this.


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