Monday, September 09, 2002

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING
I tried to download a little freeware app called iBush, which promised to amuse with demonstrations of our great leaders inability to match verb tenses. Unfortunately, the little app crash repeatedly upon opening (UPDATE - turns out iBush needs OSX 10.2 to function. I was trying it with OSX 10.1.5. Oops.). Anyway, I still found the NO WARRANTY boilerplate amusing, as you can read below:

By not throwing iBush in the Trash this very minute you agree that the programmers and distributors of iBush will never be held responsible for any damage, of any kind, that might be caused by the use of iBush.

IN OTHER WORDS: YOU EXPRESSLY ACKNOWLEDGE AND AGREE THAT USE OF THE SOFTWARE IS AT YOUR OWN RISK AND THAT THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS" WITHOUT ANY WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS WHATSOEVER, ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN. FREELUNCH.APPS DOES NOT WARRANT THAT THE FUNCTIONS OF THE SOFTWARE WILL MEET YOUR REQUIREMENTS, BE THESE REASONABLE OR EXTRAVAGANT, OR THAT THE OPERATION OF THE SOFTWARE WILL BE PLEASANT, UNINTERRUPTED OR EVEN MERELY ERROR FREE. YOU AND YOU ALONE ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY FOR SELECTING THE SOFTWARE TO ACHIEVE YOUR INTENDED RESULTS, AND FOR THE USE AND THE RESULTS OBTAINED FROM THE SOFTWARE. YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THE SOFTWARE IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN (I) ON-LINE CONTROL OF AIRCRAFT, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO BALLOONS AND ZEPPELINS, AIR TRAFFIC, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE TRAFFIC OF BALLOONS AND ZEPPELINS, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE NAVIGATION OF BALLOONS AND ZEPPELINS, OR AIRCRAFT COMMUNICATIONS, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE COMMUNICATIONS OF BALLOONS AND ZEPPELINS; OR (II) IN THE DESIGN, CONSTRUCTION, OPERATION OR MAINTENANCE OF ANY NUCLEAR FACILITY, CHEMICAL WEAPONS PLANT, OR SUDANESE POWDER MILK FACTORY. FREELUNCH.APPS DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES RELATED TO: NON-INFRINGEMENT, LACK OF VIRUSES, ACCURACY OR COMPLETENESS OF RESPONSES OR RESULTS, IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. IN NO EVENT SHALL FREELUNCH.APPS BE LIABLE FOR ANY INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES OR FOR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER (INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF LIFE, BUSINESS INTERRUPTION, LOSS OF FAITH, LOSS OF TEMPER, LOSS OF SELF ESTEEM, LOSS OF GIRLFRIENDS, BOYFRIENDS OR SPOUSES, PERSONAL INJURY, LOSS OF PRIVACY OR OTHER PECUNIARY OR OTHER LOSS WHATSOEVER) ARISING OUT OF USE OR INABILITY TO USE THE SOFTWARE, EVEN IF ADVISED, BY SOME FREELUNCH.APPS REP, BY THE SOFTWARE ITSELF, BY YOUR WINTEL LOVING BROTHER-IN-LAW WITH THE BIG NOSE WHO DRINKS TOO MUCH, IF YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE A WINTEL LOVING BROTHER-IN-LAW WITH A BIG NOSE WHO DRINKS TOO MUCH, OR IN ANY OTHER WAY, NATURAL OR SUPERNATURAL, OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. REGARDLESS OF THE FORM OF ACTION, FREELUNCH.APPS' AGGREGATE LIABILITY ARISING OUT OF OR RELATED TO THIS AGREEMENT SHALL NOT EXCEED THE TOTAL AMOUNT PAYABLE BY YOU UNDER THIS AGREEMENT, THAT IS: ZERO EURO OR EXACT EQUIVALENT. THE FOREGOING LIMITATIONS, EXCLUSIONS, EXHORTATIONS AND DISCLAIMERS SHALL APPLY TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT BY APPLICABLE LAW. AND YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE IT.

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