A NEW READER


Props to Joe and Reggie in LA for their new daughter, Isabella.

WAS THAT ME?


I used to be a musician. I guess I still am, but I used to be active, playing either in bands or as a cranky, solo folkie dude, often in tandem with a few friends in a devious marketing concept we called Camp Hoboken. It was all great fun, trying to disrupt the usually sedate folk world in a variety of ways. Above is a picture of us at the Falcon Ridge Folk Festival. Though we were absolute nobodys, we convinced some power that be to let us sing backup behind Dar Williams, who was headlining on a very cold Saturday night. That's me, with the hat, right behind Dar, crooning the mic. I have no clue what song we sang. I didn't know the song then either. Maybe something about Angels. I distinctly remember laying back until everyone started singing the choruses, then stepping up to Oooo.. along a bit.

God bless Dar for not turning around and throwing my ass off the stage.

I've been thinking about stuff like this lately because I've been hearing about my musical past in a number of weird ways and I remember virtually none of it. Chris from PA reminded me of the time he, I and Gregg Cagno decided to drop in on Gene Shay, a legendary folk DJ formerly of Philadelphia's WHYY. I thought we had been asked to appear. Not true. As Chris recalls his recent conversation with Gregg:

anyway, drive home conversation turned toward the large, swinging balls that used to be carried by camp hoboken, beginning with our uninvited arrival at the WHYY studios for an evening with a sleepy, unwashed and confused gene shay.

in the way of men, gg and i recreated that evening's conversations last night, making them much better than they had been originally.

gregg capped it, i think, with his impression of you :

"gene, tune this for me, will you?"

Did I say that? Yeah, probably. I don't remember saying that, but it sounds like me. More oddness came in the form of a videotape from Otis in NJ. I used to play bass with Otis in his combo, Otis Ball and The Chains (imagine NRBQ as a Replacements-style rock band - and we held onstage limbo contests a lot). This tape is like four hours long, most of it is taken up with a gig from the basement of a frat house in Hoboken NJ. We played a lot of cover songs we didn't know and Freedy Johnson joined us for a set or so (we played a lot of covers he didn't know either - Otis was King at this shit).

The weirdest thing about this tape is a segment I didn't see until last week. Natalie and I had just watched the new They Might be Giants documentary and we decided to watch the rest of the Otis tape. On it, I found black and white footage of Otis and I performing a 15 minute melt-down of Lust For Life at Tramps in NYC. I can pick out Ira Kaplan of Yo La Tengo on feedback guitar and some drummer I kind of knew from Hoboken, but otherwise, I have no memory of that gig whatsoever. And I didn't play at Tramps all that much. I usually remember everything, but that footage is a complete blank spot. It's me on bass, I'm sure. But when or why I have no idea.

And I like it that way. It's nice that life is taking a turn and I'm forgetting things. It makes it so much more fun to rediscover those bits later. This is the joy of growing up, kids. You get to enjoy your youth a second time. I hope this blog thing doesn't ruin that for me.

BTW - if you're in or around Hoboken, NJ at the end of May, I think Otis Ball and The Chains are reuniting. I'll probably be the guy on bass.

YOUR SEARCH LED HERE #7
Yahoo! Search Results for moving anime President Bush game dancing

ON BEING THE AUDIENCE
Natalie and I took Jake to see the Orlando Magic play on Sunday afternoon. They lost to the 76'ers (note to the Magic - might rebounding be a good idea?). Sitting in the third row of the upper deck, I looked around the O-Rena. From my vantage, I counted about 45 advertisments or corporate signage mentions. That didn't include the sponsored crap going on on the floor (ie: the Subway Halftime Dunking Contest), the video commercials played on the jumbotron (and blasted at ear-bleed levels) or the occasional things like the signs that flip over, the Red Lobster clacker I was handed on the way in or the coupon-dropping mini-blimp sent out by The Orlando Sentinel.

Considering how many ways the Magic resells my eyeballs to advertisers, they should pay me to attend the games. Assuming they charge advertisers $1 per commercial per person in the O-Rena , figure the Magic makes $75 on selling me to their advertisers. At the very least, they should figure out a way to charge less than $46 per ticket for the Upper Bowl.

PARANOIA & STUPIDITY
Did anyone happen to catch author and professional crank Michael Moore on the Lou Dobbs show this weekend? Although he's a windbag, I like Moore. His book Stupid White Men is an excellent antidote to the Zombie-like pro-Republican slant of the current US mindset. Yeah, I know, Moore's accused of making mistakes in it. I'll let Moore and other websites battle over those points.

What I want to talk about was this interview with Dobbs. You want bias in action? Check this out. At one point during the conversation, Dobbs asked Why are you going after President Bush so much? (as if that's a crime in and of itself, huh?). Moore got long winded about his rights to be critical of the government, and then popped out with a conspiracy riff tying Bush with Enron, the Taliban visiting Texas, a pipeline deal, Cheney and Haliburton, on and on. Dobbs looked at Moore like he was speaking Farsi, so Moore said something like Don't take my word for it, go read about it on the BBC site.


At that point, Dobbs chuckled one of those You don't know fuck-all about news and added I'm not going to read the BBC, Michael. Moore waltzed past this, but it was amazing. Here was Dobbs, a guy who thinks he's God's gift to white men reading the news, and when presented with possibilites beyond his current beliefs, he shut down to the point of saying I'm not interested in what another news organization says.

So there's a bit of interesting bias for you. A fairly left interview subject gets on air and offers speculation along with some substance, and the news guy acts as if he's being asked to believe Iraqi News Radio. Interesting, no? Perhaps Dobbs should stick to reading the numbers from Wall Street.

<:::>

A RUMOR CONSIDERED
Lou Dobbs' inability to consider anything outside the words on his teleprompter got me thinking about another conspiracy rumor I've heard about for months - that American Jews working in and around the World Trade Center had advance warning about the 9-11 attack. Mostly this rumor has been circulated by Arab interview subjects as evidence that Israelis and not Arabs were behind the attacks.

Based on what I've read in US media, I assumed that rumor was just that - a rumor. So imagine my shock when I did a little net research and found this Instant Messages To Israel Warned Of WTC Attack. Newsbytes, a Washington Post Company, reported on September 27 that an instant messaging company called Odigo got a warning at it's Israeli offices about the attack two hours before it occured.

How did this get lost in the shuffle? Well, it turns out there's good reason. On Sept 28, Newsbytes got more info - Odigo Clarifies Attack Messages - and explained that the company received a vague threat two hours before the WTC attack which did not identify the World Trade Center as the target of an attack. Considering how many threats are circulated around the world, that's a little different, no? It kind of makes sense that they wouldn't call the Israeli Police right away, since they probably saw the message as an idle bomb threat.

What's fascinating is how this story (or at least the first part of it) takes on a life of it's own once published on the web (and re-published and re-published...). It appears Arab media all over the world accept the fact that Israelis were warned two before the WTC was hit. Some then extrapolate that 4,000 Israelis were not at their desk in the WTC as a result of this warning. One can find this "fact" referenced on Oct. 1, 2002 by Pakistannation.com - Evidence, History Say Otherwise - the Arab Bookstore online - In The Name Of Allah - and as late as Feb. 2002 - How Americans are blackmailed by Israel.

None of these pieces mention that Odigo clarified their statements within a day of the original story. All of them distort a quote and a bit of old news to present slanted articles which satisfies their political leanings. And surprise! Their readers believe it all. Could it be true? Well, maybe. But as Truthorfiction.com points, out - right now, at best, this rumor is unproven.

EMBRACING OUR MEDIA WHOREDOM
Online logs put life back into 'Net Here's a decent overview of blogging for non-bloggers, published in the business section of the San Antonio Express News. Suburban Limbo got a nice mention along with the always fine Jeffrey Zeldman, Jason Shellen from Blogger.com and others. The interesting fact for me in the article was this - Blogger.com, a site where almost 480,000 people have posted more than 10.5 million diary entries during the past couple of years.

Wow. That's a lot of blogging.

YOUR SEARCH LED HERE - VARIATION #1
The always inquisitive Warren from Hollywood added a bit of Googlewacking to our Search engine theme. FYI - Googlewacking is a game where you enter odd combinations of words in to the Google search engine in an attempt to get only one result. As Warren wrote:

I refined the game so that the goal is to search for something that returns only the Suburban Limbo as a result.

My first winner on Google:

Jesus Vortex Ironic Hasselhoff Porn

Kudos to Warren for showing impressive initiation and computer skills. If anyone else comes up with a Googlewacking variation that only yields Suburban Limbo, send it in!

YOUR SEARCH LED HERE #6
Google-Suche: palestinian music mp3 fight

DISSENTING VOICES
There was an interesting Frank Rich editorial in the Saturday NY Times - The Bush Doctrine, R.I.P. - that addressed a pet peeve of mine, namely the inflexibility of some leaders (in this case GWB) to rethink their views in the face of new information.

Rich wrote If there's a consistent pattern to the administration's arrogance, it's that when the president has an idea of almost any sort on any subject - from the Bush Doctrine on down - it remains fixed in perpetuity, not open to question, even as a world as complex and fast-changing as ours calls out for rethinking.

Never mind that Sept. 11 was the most graphic demonstration imaginable that a missile shield may not be the most useful vessel for our ever more precious defense dollars; it's still full speed ahead. Nor has the bursting of the stock-market bubble dampened Mr. Bush's conviction that Americans should entrust their Social Security savings to his campaign contributors from Wall Street's investment houses. Drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, once pitched as a quick fix to the (fleeting) California energy crisis, is now being sold as an antidote to our Middle Eastern woes (because some 10 years from now it may reduce our oil imports by 4 or 5 percent). The Bush tax cut, conceived at a time of endless surpluses and peace, is still touted as the perfect economic plan even now that the surpluses are shot and we are at war. In this administration, one size idea, however slender or dubious, fits all.

I find all this particularly interesting in light of Bush's about face on the Middle East. I wonder if he would care in the slightest about the Middle East if he wasn't trying to get Arab backing for a war with Iraq (a proposition that - regardless how necessary, in light of Saddam's actions - is likely doomed to failure). If nothing else, I guess it shows that even GWB is willing to change is mind if given sufficent bait.

YOUR SEARCH LED HERE #5
EarthLink Search Results for "selling tee shirt art on other peoples website"

YOUR SEARCH LED HERE #4
Google Search: Audio Gene Simmons Fresh Air

YOUR SEARCH LED HERE #3
This one caught my misspelling of Zeppelin! Google Search: led zepplin and tolkin

YOUR SEARCH LED HERE #2
Google Search: nigella lawson jewish

YOUR SEARCH LED HERE #1
A new game at Suburban Limbo where we check to see which group of words searched at Google.com led surfers to The Suburban Limbo. Google Search: styx sucks

THOUGH FOR THE DAY
At lunch today someone brought up the fact of how mean it is that the word "lisp" has an 's' in it.

More interesting tidbits like this can be found at Chefgrrl - the disgruntled ramblings of a 20ish female. I particularly like her attempts at conversing with those online porn asshole bots that interupt IM sessions.

SEEKING: TIME TRAVELERS
I got a slight variation on this eMail a few months ago and posted it then. But this guy obviously still needs assistance, so if you feel the urge to be helpful and pretend, why not write him back?

One warning...don't tell him too much about yourself. I don't think you need this guy showing up on your doorstep.

eMail received 4/19/2002:
If you are a time traveler or alien and or in procession of alien or government technology I need your help! My case is truly genuine! I seek to work with someone who is of a good nature, someone I can call my savior as well as a friend.

My life has been severely tampered with and cursed!! I have suffered tremendously and am now dying!

I need to be able to:

Travel back in time.

Rewind my life including my age back to 4.

I am in great danger and need this immediately! I want to work with you in any way possible.

I am aware of two types of time travel one in physical form and the other in energy form where a snapshot of your brain is taken using either the dimensional warp or the brain snapshot device and then sends your consciousness back through time to part with your younger self. I'm almost certain the dimensional warp would be the safest and best solution. Please explain how safe and what your method involves.

I have a time machine now, but it has limited abilities and is useless without a vortex. If you can provide information on how to create vortex generator or where I can get some of the blue glowing moon crystals this would also be helpful. I am however concerned with the high level of radiation these crystals give off, if you could provide a shielding this would be helpful. I believe the vortex would have to be east-west polarized, North-south polarized vortexes are used for cross-dimensional time travel only.


If you have this technology and can help me please send me a (SEPARATE) email to: jimer013@shrimer.com


Thanks

JESUS PLAYS SOCCER WITH GIRLS!


Does it get any better than Inspirational Sport Statues? The next time I get a job with a desk, I'm gonna buy the whole set of these and decorate my cubicle with them. That'll be a conversation starter, huh?

From the Catholicshopper.com... Handpainted resin statues on a solid wood base are the perfect gift for every young Catholic athlete. These statues portray Jesus actively participating with boys and girls in a variety of sports. A wonderful way to reinforce Jesus "as friend" in everyday activities. Sizes vary from 4 3/4 to 6 1/2 inches.

Many customers have requested these statues depicting children other than Caucasian and playing other sports; we have expressed these requests to manufacturers and importers. When and if other statues are available, CatholicShopper.com will carry them.

Priced at just $19.95 each. Props to JK at The Trash Heap for pointing out this little slice of ceramic heaven.

OOGA CHUGGA OOGA OOGA
Everyone needs a little more David Hasselhoff, no? So press play on this video puppy and thrill to the Baywatch man-meat strutting around like a gay porn star. Cubicle alert! - Beware of volume and giddy feelings of joy!

IT COULD HAPPEN
37 Record-Store Clerks Feared Dead In Yo La Tengo Concert Disaster. From The Onion... "We're trying our best to rescue these clerks, but, realistically, there's not a lot of hope," said emergency worker Len Guzman, standing outside the 40 Watt Club, where the tragedy occurred. "These people are simply not in the physical condition to survive this sort of trauma. It's just a twisted mass of black-frame glasses and ironic Girl Scouts T-shirts in there."

The sad part is that I would probably know 20 of them.

REALITY INTRUDES
Sorry to all for not generating the typical flood of Suburban Limbo for you this week. Natalie and I got the sad news that a friend passed away last Friday. He was the brother of a couple we know well and his death was quite unexpected. Though he'd been living a somewhat unhealthy and Belushi-inspired lifestyle the past few years, it was thought that he had pulled it together and was on the right course. He was 35 and apparently had a heart attack or something in his sleep.

We attended the service at Temple on Sunday along with 200 other folks and last night, I sat Shivah with family while Natalie pulled a 24-hour work shift. It was quite a gathering. Despite my agnostic leanings, I'm impressed with the beautiful and practical ways the Jewish faith dictates the process of grieving. There is a preset amount of time, a course of actions, roles for all involved. It seems so much more supportive and less mystical than Christian funerals I've attended. From my POV, the Jewish faith accepts the reality and pain of the situation then seeks to help the living heal and move on.

Last night, the Rabbi started the service by announcing he doesn't believe the doctrine "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away." That's not my God , he said. Instead, when there's a tragic and unexpected death such as this, he said, My God weeps. And when the community comes together to support the mourning family, my God smiles.

I liked that. And when the service was over, we had cake.

THOSE IN POWER WRITE (AND REWRITE) HISTORY
Chris from PA alerted us to this intriguing tale of politcal hijinx. It seems the current Bush administration is trying to nix the Presidential Records Act (PRA), passed in 1978 by Congress, which legally established that the papers of an outgoing president were public property. The idea was to prevent Presidents (like say...Richard Nixon) from hiding Executive Branch actions from archivists and historians.

For our conservative readers, note that this story is from that accused bastion of Liberal media, Salon.com (they dare to be critical of our President!). You might want to reject these claims now and save yourself a few seconds of bile and angst.

From the Salon.com story: Critics denounce the Bush move as another example of the administration's obsession with secrecy, following other attempts to curtail records such as an Oct. 12, 2001, memorandum by Attorney General John Ashcroft urging government agencies to legally resist FOIA requests whenever possible. Not only that, but President Bush is already embroiled in another case involving his own papers from when he was governor of Texas; after his term he deposited those papers in his father's presidential library, where under federal law they will be harder to access than if they were deposited in a state-run institution. The Texas attorney general is currently working on an opinion of the matter.

The Bush order was also attacked as an act of political expediency, to protect the former writing of current administration officials who served in the Reagan administration, including Bush's own father, Reagan's former vice president. The papers contain memos and writings by current administration officials who served under Reagan, such as Secretary of State Colin Powell, chief of staff Andrew Card, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and a host of others.

MOVE OVER JULIA CHILD
This is a weakness on my part, granted, but women who love food and cooking are way hot in my book. I don't mean women who are forced to grill burgers while guys swill beer and watch the game. I'm talking about someone who understands the sensuality of food. Years ago, I was a cater chef and food sensuality was always a big subject (of course, I was mostly working with gay male waiters, so maybe we were talking about different things). Nigella Lawson (right), that recently imported British hottie seen on Nigella Bites, totally gets it. She's always whipping something tasty meant to be shared with friends and eaten with your fingers. I love that fact that she's no Kate Moss. She's carrying a few extra pounds and couldn't care less because if that's the price one pays for indulging in great food, so be it.

Amen.

MORE HI HO FOR YOU!
Panasonic's HiHo ad campaign is sweeping the web like a Windows virus. If you prefer to own rather than rent, I suggest you right-click or option-click these Flash animation treats and download a pile of the Hi Ho magic for your desktop amusement. Files range in size from 160k to 400k and they start playing with sound when you open them, so be careful if you're in a cubicle.

Daddy's Too Generous Donation
Slay The Dragon!
Drowning For Love
eMail, Starlet, Poop
Mice Are Nice!
Autumnal Love Triangle
Shark!
Snowboarding
Santa Is Watching

Hi Ho

THE PATRIOT ACT DROPS ONE TO PRIVACY ADVOCATES
Chris from NJ alerted us to this bit of interesting news published By PublishersWeekly.com. It seems the Colorado Supreme Court doesn't see eye to eye with Mr. Ashcroft on the scope and reach of the Patriot Act. Since I can't find the page to link to, I'm going to reprint the entire story from their email newsletter here.

Tattered Cover Cuts Piece of Victory Cloth

The Colorado Supreme Court today handed Tattered Cover a First Amendment victory by reversing a trial court judgment requiring the Denver bookstore to turn over records about a customer's book purchases. All six justices participating in the case sided with
the bookstore.

The court also ruled that in the future any law enforcement requests for such information from an "innocent third-party bookstore" would require a hearing and couldn't be carried out merely with a search warrant.

Tattered Cover owner Joyce Meskis says she was ìincredibly relieved," by the ruling. She praised the decision as "more than we asked for but not more than we hoped for" and thanked the many groups that helped the store during its two-year battle. These have included the American Foundation for Free Expression, which provided financial support and filed two amicus briefs on the store's behalf, other industry groups, booksellers, publishers and authors.

Calling the court's opinion "a primer on the First Amendment," Tattered Cover lawyer Daniel Recht says that the ruling has "huge national significance" because this is the first of the 50 state supreme courts to address the issue.

ABFFE president Chris Finan emphasizes that the "remarkable" ruling came at a particularly difficult time in the national debate about balancing law enforcement and free speech. While not addressing the matter directly, he said the ruling "underlines our concerns" about the Patriot Act, last fall's anti-terrorist federal law that increased police powers to examine bookstore records.

Speaking on behalf of the publishing community AAP president Pat Schroder cheered the ruling and praised Meskisí decision to fight the search warrant because of the possible chilling effect such a search would have on consumersí First Amendment rights.

In its ruling, the court stated that "both the United States and Colorado constitutions protect the rights of the general public to purchase books anonymously, without governmental interference," adding that the police must "show a need for the specific customer purchase record sought that is sufficiently compelling to outweigh the harm likely caused to constitutional interests by execution of the search." In this case, there was no compelling need - in part because the police had significant evidence about who committed the crime.

The local police and a Drug Enforcement Agency officer had sought the records to aid in an investigation of the owner of a methamphetamine laboratory. (In a March 2000 search of the lab, police had found apparently new copies of Advanced Techniques of Clandestine Psychedelic and Amphetamine Manufacture by Uncle Fester and The Construction and Operation of Clandestine Drug Laboratories by Jack B. Nimble as well as, in the garbage, an empty, possibly tattered, package from the Tattered Cover.)

The search warrant at the heart of the case asked Tattered Cover for information about what books had been shipped in the package as well as information about all other book orders placed by the main suspect during the 30 days before the police searched the lab. The trial court had declined to approve the general book search, but had supported the request for specific information about the package.

--John Mutter

MEDIA CLIPS
I think I got interviewed or quoted or something for an article about to appear in the San Antonio Express-News. The writer (Laura Lortek) was very nice and she has an excellent background in technology, so it'll probably be an interesting read. I'll post a link when I see it, even if I get completely cut from the piece.

From Chew's News - Nice Blog - Suburban Limbo - I must say, that I thoroughly enjoyed reading through the posts on this blog site. Its definitely one of the more interesting blogs that I've linked to from blogger.com. Check it out - the content and commentary are great, as well as the personal thoughts added by the author.

Also, over at Edge Forums, a weblogging forum, Sambolc described Suburban Limbo as middle-age blogging. For some reason, deeply interesting

Soon after, GazfromBrum responded Why would u read about boring peoples boring lives? Now teenage lesbians journals i would read, but not middle aged men.

I feel love and ignored all at once. As always, thanks for stopping to read a bit of The Suburban Limbo.

KENNY IS REALLY DEAD
In case you hadn't noticed, Matt and Trey of SOUTHPARK killed off the unfortunate Kenny once and for all at the end of last year -Oh My God! Kenny Dead for Good

Let us mourn dear Kenny. His tombstone now adorns the Comedy Central Website with the inscription, "Sleep well, little child, the Lord holds thee now."

INSTUCTIONS FOR MIDDLE EAST PEACE
President Bush Unveils Bold New Blueprint for Peace and Happiness in the Middle East Those funsters at Whitehouse.org claim that President Bush said I am pleased to announce plans for the prompt construction of Disney World Jerusalem, into whose welcoming arms all Israeloids and Palestiniacs will be herded by well-armed Texas Rangers, who have plenty of experience convincing brown people to behave. Once inside, all formerly warring parties will be paid handsomely to put aside their differences and revel in the warm light of American high culture while acquiring all manner of quality merchandize produced by nimble-fingered armies of pre-teen Chinese laborers.

Insert patriotic music here.

TWO REASONS TO VISIT
Being a Mac fan, I enjoy any story that involves the messy destruction of a Gateway PC as in this tale -Crashed computer boots local man into jail. After five store visits and a home repair failed to fix his daughter's Gateway Copmputer, this guy finished off the box with a sledgehammer in the foyer of the store. Good for him.

Having said that, I must also mention that Harry's iMac suffered a logic board failure and is being repair. Ah well, such is journalism in the interest of fairness.

BTW - Look in the left column of the story linked above and you'll find a Memories of McCarthy button. Follow it for a fascinating glimpse of historical revisionism. Hey, Senator McCarthy wasn't so bad! He didn't like Communists! Neither do we! Everything writen about him isn't true! In a perverse attempt at "fair and balanced", the reporter of one story gets quotes from both the John Birch Society and the Wisconsin Communist Party. Ooooo, there's a pile of truth, huh? That appears to follow the cable talk show format of "get crazies from both ends and let them scream."

I guess the concept of interviewing a political scholar who studied the guy is just to East Coast for that Wisconsin paper. Too bad.

A NEW CLOCK
Here's a cool new online clock to suck space from your broadband connection. INDUSTORIOUS CLOCK If nothing else, this is a nice art project.

NATURAL SELECTION IN ACTION
This online gamer got too obsessed for his own good - Death of a game addict. One would think he'd develop carpel tunnel syndrome quicker than he'd go nuts.

HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING, HE KNOWS WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE.



Noooo..not Santa...Jesus! Yes, Jesus is everywhere and Jesus is with you always. That's the theme behind this incredible site by self-taught artist Larry Van Pelt. He conceived a series of Jesus - Always With You images that places the divine one right over the shoulder of working folks in every day life. No religious mysteries for Larry! He likes his diety close at hand.

According to a Larry-scribed history posted at the site, The enclosed images are from 11x14 pencil drawings that are the result of an undertaking that began on Thanksgiving Day, 1987. I was awakened in the middle of the night with a clear, vivid impression that the Lord wanted me to do some special drawings -- drawings depicting ordinary people in their everyday environment . . . . with one important addition: the presence of Jesus Christ and His involvement in those routine activities.

It was also clear that the task would be allotted ten years to produce results -- an important consideration, considering the fact that I had never drawn anything before, had no training in drawing, and had never really been interested in drawing.

Beat that Wesley Willis! This is amazing, must see stuff. Folk art has never been quite so...folky. In fact, Jesus looks like a generic shaggy, early-70s folksinger, all beard, robe and stoned smile as he watches over a dental assistant (above), carpet layer, farmer, insurance agent, executive, french horn player, bank teller, artist, welder, organist and many others. There's an unnatural lumpiness in many of the faces, but the achievement is quite impressive nonetheless.

We are all blessed, each and every one. Thank you Larry. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now...can I get that Jesus watching over a Barber-Stylist on a t-shirt?

BTW -props to the witty blog TRASH HEAP for turning me on to this.

PERHAPS YOU'VE HEARD?
Some High School kids started a blog-like site and got busted by the administration for their various attempts at free speech. A local alternative rag did a story on them and now South High Sucks.com is getting national attention. Jump on the bangwagon and find what's on the minds of the anti 'N Sync generation.

OSX OH NOOOOO!
Harry in Winter Park got a new iMac and was so proud, he called me over to check it out. I told him Lovely and installed a few key shareware items. The next morning, I got a call from him saying the machine had crashed and crashed badly. I figured No problem , a few minutes and I'll have it working like new.

Oh man...his machine fucked.

I got it a bit better, but it was crashing right and left. Eventually, it got worse and worse and finally won't start up from disc or UNIX . Ugly. There are some bad B-Tree errors and catalog problems and maybe a hardware issue. I spent all afternoon trying to nurse it back to health, all to no avail. On the plus side, it's all under warranty and we found somebody locally who can save the necessary data before reinstalling the software.

This is all slightly funnier when you consider that just three hours before the machine crashed, I was blabbing about how stable OSX is. Well...it has been for me, what can I say?

HI HO! HI HO!
You MUST check this out. Hi Ho!

I'm not sure, but I think Panasonic Japan has an advertising campaign that features naked children wearing helmets, bursting into flames and dropping turds on their pets.

Wow. After that, check this and learn Japanese via Flash animation!

For hours more surfing fun, check this page here. It appears to be the HQ of all this Panasonic Japan-a-weirdness. Click the mystery links and you'll find Flash games, kid's TV from Tokyo and music vids.

GIFT IDEA


Jesus Votes Republican Merch For Sale Here's the perfect gift for everyone, as users can embrace either the ironic or literal interpretation. What could be better?

This fine bag and a similarly-themed assortment of t-shirts, mugs and hats brought to you by Whitehouse.org

HERE'S A RINGING ENDORSEMENT!
From a blog calling itself Yay for Potholes!

Go read Suburban Limbo. The guy has some weird hangups about Israel and conservatives, but his kid's cute and there's cool links sometimes.

Hey, thanks!

JAKE'S DEBUT ON THE LINKS


Jake and I hit the links last week. I took him out to play nine holes at a real golf course. It was the first time he hit a golfball anywhere besides a driving range. The course is really more of a pitch and putt - I don't think any fairway is longer than 175 yards and most everything is a three-par, some as short as 60 yards. Also, as you can see from the photo, there is a disconcerting lack of trees or any vegetation higher than a blade of grass. But the location - especially at 9 am - was perfect for us. We were alone for all nine holes, giving Jake plenty of room to hit two balls, tee up every shot and such.

I seriously thought Jake would burn out within 3 holes or the vast open spaces would act like a bowl of jellybeans and turn him goofy, running and falling all over the course. Instead, he was totally immersed in the game and learning the rules - who hits first, which tee does he swing from, does the flag stay in or out of the hole. He didn't run amuck as I expected and instead held it together, shooting about a 60 until the final hole, when he got buried in a deep bunker and never got out.

I thought it was pretty cool, because I enjoyed playing with him and he enjoys it too. That's been my point encouraging his interest in golf. I don't showed him anything technical. It's just here's your club, there's the flag, swing. For years, I've played with my Father whenever I visit. I'd like to be able to do that with Jake we get older.

Not surprisingly, everyone who sees him swing a club comments on the weathly future I can look forward to as I manage the next Tiger Woods, That means big money in the bank for Natalie and me. Big, big bucks for which we should start planning now.

Yeah right.

I know people mean well saying this - and I probably swell with pride whenever I hear it - but can't kids just enjoy playing for the sake of play? Does everything need to have a potential dollar-value tied to it? I spent years listening to my father tell me how I was going to be a great baseball player and that continued long, long after I gave up the game (two years ago, he greeted spring by announcing, Well, you'd be signing you final multi-million deal this year if you'd a stuck with baseball).

Here's my plan...I hope to keep Jake interesed in golf and not teach him anything too technical about the game for at least a few more years. That way, I'll be able to beat him well into his high school years. After that, we'll see. If there's a big PGA payout, great. But I ain't counting on it.

ONCE A PUNK, ALWAYS A PUNK
Some of you might recall a guy named Marty Thau, a producer and scenester from the early days of NYC punk. It turns out he's blogging now, along with two other producers at a site called Tres Producers. It offers lots of good and varied stuff, ranging from the Middle East to music biz stories.

This amazing item from Friday, March 29, details Marty's battle with a beer company over the name of record company. I love that Marty can state his case in a blog and let the world know he's pissed. It's our job to spread the word. When you're done reading here, check Marty's blog to get the latest update.

WITH CALLOUS DISREGARD

Here's a little story about how hypocritical a major corporation can be. In 1977 I founded Red Star Records, an indie label designed to present new rock 'n' roll music, and released my first two records -- Suicide's classic debut and Boston's Real Kids LP. Both were well received and set the stage for further releases by groups like the Fleshtones, the New York Dolls, Martin Rev, Richard Hell & The Voidoids plus a number of compilations that included performances by the Ramones, Blondie and Brian Setzer. Over the years I reissued these same LPs internationally many times and still do to this day because they're always in demand.

In other words, my name "Red Star Records" has been in continuous use since 1977.

This past October (2001) the Heineken USA Company struck up a deal with Epic Records to release a record on their own Red Star Records label called "Red Star Sounds Volume 1: Soul Searchin'." It's a very good record indeed -- neo-r 'n' b songs by artists like Eryka Badu, Jill Scott, Macy Gray, Nellie Fertado and India.Arie, among others.

However Heineken is using my company name as their own without consideration or compensation.

I contacted my lawyer and sent Epic and Heineken a cease-and-desist notice claiming they were violating my rights. Heineken's highly-paid Washington Trademark attorney informed us they had conducted a search of the trademark files to see if Red Star Records was available for usage, and did not maliciously intend to wrongfully violate my rights, but since I hadn't trademarked Red Star Records back in '77 they assumed it was free and clear.

Okay, so here's where it gets down and dirty. Months passed. Silence. When I continued to object to Heineken's usage of my trade name, they informed me that their intention regarding the release of "Red Star" records was to benefit urban musicians, and therefore, I should respect their noble gesture and go along with the program. (Translation: "let's sell more beer to blacks").

I have what is called Common Law Rights and knew I could (and will) overturn their Trademark Application and be a total nuisance, but instead I wanted to settle this issue amicably. I proposed they use the name "Heineken's Red Sounds" instead, and only release one or two urban CDs per year with the proper acknowledgment on all CD packages that their Heineken Red Star entity was a nonprofit organization.

This did not suit them because their music marketing plans include a 60-city tour of alternative rock artists this coming summer under the Red Star name that has nothing to do with benefiting "urban" musicians and everything to do with selling beer. Clever marketers trying to look righteous. As Yogi once said ... "it ain't over 'til it's over."

Bottom line: in the end they basically told me what to do with myself - of course, in much more polite terms as they accused me of being impolite and presumptuous for pursuing my rights. I guess I'm just a little guy and don't deserve consideration, and since they're a major corporation they can step all over me and rewrite history at the same time. All to sell more beer.

DISCLAIMER: So as to avoid prosecution under the USA Patriot Act, I hereby advise all interested parties that my announced intention to be a nuisance to Heineken USA should be interpreted as verbal criticism only, and not as a personal threat against any of its employees - although I can think of a few lawyers who deserve, and would probably love, to be spanked.

Did you ever try Samuel Adams beer? It's a very tasty drink.

Marty Thau

TRAFFIC INFO
Many of you are coming here from a link at blogger.com. Perhaps you're wondering what kind of traffic a link like that means to a blog such as Suburban Limbo. For your knowledge and entertainment, I've included the graphic below from Site Meter. It charts a month of traffic at my site in terms of daily visits. The low, nearly flat line represents my previous daily visits (usually 50 and below). The spike and mountains to the right indicate my traffic since being spotlighted by blogger.com and linked to from a variety of other blogs. The peak day was nearly 1,000 visits and we've had a steady weekday flow of 600+ since then (traffic always drops off on weekends. I guess many folks use their office computers to read blogs). Yes, I fully expect traffic to drop from the recent highs.

Anyway, I found this interesting and thought I'd share it with you. I'm always fascinated by the numbers behind the media and business.

NOTES ON SOMALIA FROM ONE WHO KNOWS
Chris from PA read the Slate link What Black Hawk Down Leaves Out - That Somalia raid really was more a debacle than a victory and wanted to put n his two cents. Keep in mind, Chris actually served in Somalia in the US Army. He has a book about his experiences coming out this year (it's called The Ice Beneath You). He writes:

Interesting article on Black Hawk Down and the Battle of Mogadishu. True enough, many many soldiers were very upset afterward, about the portrayal of what had gone down as a failure.

Indeed, in tactical terms, it was hardly a failure. They achieved the mission goals, and the dead rate was 18 Americans to a low-ball estimate of 700 Somalis.

You need to look at it in context of a war. Had this happened during Vietnam or WWII, it would barely have registered on the American public's radar screen. Either that, or it would have actually been trumpeted as a great success. After all, 700 dead vs. 18, plus mission success, sure smells like a great victory, doesn't it? It's just that, out of the context of a "great war," the American public doesn't like to hear about 18 American dead. Truth is, though, it is absolutely astounding there weren't triple that number killed that day. (And, had there been, we still would have come out on top, tactically.)

So, the ground troops were justifiably pissed off for a long time to have this mission called a "failure."

Now, it WAS a failure in other arenas, but this had nothing to do with the job done by the guys on the ground. The high-level planning of it, for
instance, was fucked. Remember, it resulted in the resignation of Les Aspin shortly after as SecDef. A few generals and colonels should have gone with him.

But, from the time the orders were put in the hands of the grunts on the ground, they did an amazing job with the tools they had.

Not much different from Operation Anaconda, just passed. By the book, the acceptable loss of of our troops was higher, I'm sure, than the number of guys who actually died. No matter what the media and/or public thinks, you just can't plan an action like that and not plan on severe casualties (yes, there is an actual formula). I'm sure the Pentagon expected more dead on Anaconda than we got.

cb, he of Somalia 12/92-04/93

BLOG NEWS
Here's an excellent article on blogging and its impact on journalism from Microcontent News - Borg Journalism - We are the Blogs. Journalism will be Assimilated.

It states: Blogs relentlessly track down every scrap of news, assimilating it into the Blog Collective hive-mind with stunning efficiency. It doesn't stop there: individual blogs each add a small insight to the story, drawing on their personal experience and contributing to the conversation. Then the conversation takes over, exploring every possible implication and insight with a ferocity that astounds.

ISRAEL UPDATE
Though the mainstream media is providing lots of Middle East coverage, here's a worthy point of view from Asparagirl. I like her comparisons of the situation to a bad marriage, though I think she should place the couple involved on an island from which neither came physically leave.

Asparagirl writes And why do we have to keep talking about a peace process? What fucking peace? I don't see a peace here, do you? I see Israelis getting blown up day after day after day while they're supposed to give Arafat one more chance. This time he really means it, this time he'll try harder, this time he'll change. It's like an abusive marriage; Israel gets her teeth knocked in, but stick with it honey, and maybe you and your man can work things out! He was just upset, you see, had a hard day at the office and all. And you were probably askin' for it anyway. And if you really don't like it, then why do you stay with the guy anyhow?

DOWNLOAD YOUR MUSICAL FUTURE
Looking for an internet-only CD from They Might Be Giants, I stumbled upon eMusic, a site which I thought vanished last year in the dot bomb melt-down many of us called their careers. I decided to sign up for a trial membership (50 downloads for free) and within 30 minutes of using the site, I was completely and totally hooked.

I might be a few years late with this fact, but I have seen the future of music retailing and it is downloadable.

Understand, I'm late with that fact because when I last checked out such an operation, I was using a 56K modem. Speedy though I thought it was back then, that modem was only useful for words and a few graphics. A single mp3 would take 3 or 4 minuutes to download via 56K modem. Twice as long or more with a 28.8K modem. With my cable modem, I'm able to scoop up entire CDs worth of mp3s in about 5 minutes.

Simply put, broadband access is the ingredient that makes downloadable music worthwhile.

If you haven't checked it out, here's how eMusic works. After the 50 free downloads, you opt for one of two subscription plans. The first is $9.99 a month for 12 months. The second is $14.99 for three months. In either case, you're looking at spending the cost of one CD or less for the right to download unlimited numbers of mp3s. Quite a deal, I think. In two days, I've already yanked CDs from They Might Be Giants, Laura Cantrell, Nightmares on Wax, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, The Stratford 4 and Wake Ooloo. And becuase they offer samples of every available song, I was able to check out a bunch of other goodies.

One thing that's held back eMusic is the lack of high-profile artists like Britney or Limp Bizkit. Record labels can't figure out how to make a buck off this system without endangering the monopoly they hold over signed artists. As a result, they hold back their artist's material.

Personally, I think that's great. Instead of offering the big players, eMusic has developed a library of over 200,000 mp3s from small, high-quality independent record labels of every stripe and genre. The scope of available music is breathtaking (if somewhat erratic). I don't miss the popular stuff at all and the lack of such material probably keeps the server load managable. If you dig weird, indie music and enjoy browsing artists you've never heard of, this is the place for you.

Mind you, not everything is perfect. They usually don't offer CD art, so you have to scam that elsewhere if you want to build a proper-looking packages from your downloads. Also, they don't offer a way for Mac users to download entire albums with one click (that feature is available for Windows users with a special program). Mac users have to download each song individually.

But on the good side, eMusic claims to pay artists a 50% split of monies received. That might not sound like much, but those in the business know that's an gloriously high payment rate. To make 50% of a sale and not print or press anything or deal with record stores and promoters... that's quite worth it.

In case you're wondering, I don't get a dime from eMusic, even if you sign up via the link above. I'm just letting you know because I think it's a great deal and a good way to explore the world of independent music. I had written off the idea of paying for downloaded music, but now I see how it can work. Once you get into the habit of downloading completely legal mp3s without the hassel of finding them in stores, ordering them online or paying for each and every one, you'll see the genius of this operation. Like the best web ideas (blogging included) users need to participate to understand and enjoy the full benefits.

Having said all that, eMusic probably go out of business tomorrow. I hope not. I've got a lot of stuff I want to download.

STUNNED BY FOX & HISTORICAL DETAILS
In stunned disbelief, I watched Morton Kondrake and Fred Barnes of the The Beltway Boys on Fox News discuss the Oscars this weekend. Mort and Fred, two white guys, in their 50s, didn't like the Oscars. Their beef was the Oscars weren't patriotic enough. As they charged, there weren't any flag pins on announcer's lapels, there was no mention of supporting the troops, no singing of God Bless America and the only person who mentioned how great America was, was Brit.

Are they kidding? The Oscars ran 4 and a half hours!! They want more? They want another 15 minutes to pay tribute to the troops and sing God Bless America (which of course, would have to be staged with 30 special guest singers, each of whom would have to be introduced)? Are they stoned? And didn't Commander Du Jour GW Bush tell citizens to go back to work and live life the way you used to, without fear or worry about these terrorists? Wouldn't that include not interrupting major events for a pointless flag-waving?

I guess pointless flag-waving trumps our screaming need for normalcy.

Of course, Barnes and Kondrake were surrounded by flags - multiple flags in the background, a flag background behind the Fox bug, flag label pins. But maybe that's not enough? Here's an idea, if Fox (a network owned by an Australian, btw), wants to play - WE'RE MORE PATRIOTIC THAN YOU!, why don't they simply broadcast Kate Smith singing God Bless America every half hour. It couldn't be any worse then the crap they broadcast now. Sure, they'll lose a few million a day in commercial revenues, but isn't it worth it to feel a patriotic lump in your throat every 30 minutes, 24/7?

Barnes and Kondrake also took Hollywood to task for not putting out many good films this year (by good, they must mean movies where American soldiers killed lots o' dirty, funny-speaking foreigners while winning various battles and wars with Patriotic fervor). bout the only two they thought worth seeing were "Black Hawk Down" and Mel Gibson's new film (they couldn't recall the name). Mr. Ebert, your job is safe.

Reat asssured, if Alec Baldwin or some other Hollywood mouthpiece dared criticize Fox News, these rent-a-pundits would rip them apart limb from surgically altered limb, deriding them as stupid, lowly actors who should stick to Hollywood and leave politics to the pros. Perhaps such a deal should go both ways?

BTW - Slate ran an interesting piece by Mickey Kaus about Black Hawk Down - What Black Hawk Down Leaves Out - That Somalia raid really was more a debacle than a victory. Even if you don't agree with everything Kaus says, it's an interesting read.

SO YOU WANNA BE A ROCK & ROLL STAR?
Before they began, the singer Ali Hauptman, 14, said, "this is our first time playing out in front of people, so cheer and be nice even if we're really bad because we're teen-agers with tissue-paper feelings."

Bianca from NYC sent us this CNN link about a Rock & Roll School in Phildelphia which teaches kids to play and perform classic rock. In the face of 'N Sync and the rest of that crap, the founder of this school should probably get a medal or at least a grant from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Bianca guesses these performances could be the next Langley Schools Music Project. Let's hope somebody is running the tape.

A WEB SEVER WITH FEELINGS
Here's a twist on the concept of Error 404 that gets rather personal. File not found!

ONE STEP CLOSER TO BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY
Last year, physicists at Harvard University shined a laser beam into a glass cell filled with atomic vapors. The light went in, but it didn't come out again. It was not destroyed or absorbed, but rather stored -- ready to emerge intact at the scientists' bidding.

Sit. Speak. Good Photon! From Science@Nasa, via Chas in Maitland.

NEW DAYS, NEW BLOGS, NEW WORDS
Thanks to Tom Biro for blogging us a plug - Here's one of the most mag posts i've probably read in like ever. some people get it and some people don't entry at the suburban limbo site... enjoy.

Thanks Tom. BTW - what does mag mean?

THOUGHTS OF FOOD AND AGE
Ferra over at Every Little Thing I Do Is Magic had an interesting ramble today about food, wondering Why are the fun things so bad for you?? And when did I start caring??

I wrote back - "I started to care about what I eat when I developed enough short term memory to connect the "what went in" with "what came out" and "how crappy I feel." Mind you, I haven't convinced myself to drop all substances bad (I just picked up a pack of mini kosher bagel dogs from Costco), but when my stomach does flips after a breakfast of Diet Pepsi and cookies, I don't wonder why."

DETAILS ABOUT THE END OF CIVILIZATION
So we got a fancy new remote control sprinkler system installed. Needless to say my role as house technology officer means I have to learn how to operate the thing. And wouldn't you know, the manual for this spinker system makes no sense. Well, actually, it makes sense, it just doesn't make sense for the system we have bolted onto the wall of our house. I knew I was heading in the dumper when I kept seeing references to the LED will flash, indicating the signal has been successfully transmitted and I couldn't find LEDs anywhere on the product.

Arghhhh...

Is it so fucking hard to write a manual that is accurate and properly conveys information? I know many people don't bother to open manuals and companies must therefore figure Why spend money on this? My nephew Larry can write it when he gets a few days off from 9th grade. But perhaps the reason nobody opens manuals anymore is because they've proven to be so utterly useless for so many years that we've given up? If we really need a manual now, we go out and buy a third party book like Windows for Dummies.

Yes, we buy a book to learn about the product which is suppose to be so easy to operate that the company never wrote a manual.

I'm going out to hook up the hose and water the bushes myself.

SOME PEOPLE GET IT AND SOME PEOPLE DON'T
I found your site through the Blogs of Note on Blogger.com and in the short time I've had to browse through it I have to say it's really enjoyable. I've noticed fantastic commentary and links to interesting articles, oh and of course, that little bit of personal touch.

Thanks for writing for the world to see.

Jenn

Firstly, thanks to Jenn for writing. And thanks to the many other folks who've read this blog and sent the love. I hope you check back often and I hope I upload something worth your time.

But here's a question for bloggers out there - have you noticed that world can be divided into folks who get blogging and those who don't? When I tell friends I publish a blog, their response is almost always Why? These folks fall into two categories. There are those who think blogging is an online diary and they can't imagine a reason to put a diary online, available for the whole world to see. The other group - often web savvy folks - can't comprehend why anyone would expend time doing something on the web unless it was leading to bucks. For them, a good web site is a slick, high concept deal backed by venture capitalists. Oh, one more - there are also the jaded, anonymity-loving programmers who cross both groups and figure - Damn, why create content when everything dot com goes bankrupt in six months anyway? We care about projects as long as they pay and then its onto the next gig.

The idea that individuals all over the world might use a little slice of cyberspace to create blogs and reach out beyond the walls of their everyday lives sounds so alien and trite to a web pro that I might as well be typing in Martian.

Personally, I think slick, high concept sites have nearly killed the web. I have nothing against good programmers or clever sites, but sites should really offer something better than an eye-catching Flash animation on the opening page. I like blogs because they're amateurish and of utterly no interest to the professionals. And when they're good, they're real.

When all this web stuff started, people said Content will be king!. Then they realized how expensive is was to generate interesting content, so they back-peddled and said Concept is king. A good idea and market share were all you needed to be a bazillionaire. Shoes.com, that's worth a billion bucks right there, huh? Hey look, I've invented a silly Flash game that let's you punch Madonna. That's be good for a couple of million eyeballs a day, right?

Well, we've all watched that blimp burn and crash and now, we get articles like this in today's NY Times As the Web Matures, Fun Is Hard to Find. Basically, it's saying that people are finding less of interest on the web. Porn is taking over and in short, there's a dearth of compelling content.

Oops, did you notice that? We're back to content again. Here's my favorite bit from that article There are still islands of innovation and creativity on the Web. For example, iFilm .com shows eclectic video clips posted by Web users. Among longtime Web surfers, personal online diaries, known as Weblogs or blogs, are often cited as the last bastion of interesting material.

The web is about communication and a blog is personal broadcast communication at its most basic level. Face it, eMail has been the killer app for the Internet age (Instant Messaging is a close second). Both of those are about personal communication. Blogs are the next step - bloggers get to play editors in their own little world and the role of the editor is critical. That's why Chat Rooms don't interest me - there's no editor. Instead, there are a lot of losers trolling for teenage girls (or boys). When people express an appreciation for a blog, their expressing and appreciation for tastes of the guy or girl behind it. The editor.

So why are blogs worth it? People need a form of broadcast communication that's not ruled or regulated by AOL/Time Warner, the TV networks or the government. It is critical, especially in this day and age when the FCC is bending over and lubing up to accommodate media corporations with their acquisition orgy. Forget community media. Forget locally owned and operated anything. In a few years, all media outlets will be owned by five or less companies. As Warren's friend once said, Someday, you won't drink a cup of water, you'll drink a cup of Disney.

But since nobody can make a buck on blogs, nobody will care. And that corporate indifference can be your freedom.

NEED MORE THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS?
For Katie and the other TMBG fans out there, Otis turned us on to They Might Be Giants: Better Living through Better Music, a site packed with over 900 They Might Be Giants mp3s, including a lot of weird, rare and live items. Dig in.

TOURING KICKS ASS!
For anyone who's sick of hearing writers and rock stars whine about being on the road, check out the refreshing words of this Neal Pollack interview from The Onion. Pollack, a writer, embraces touring like a rising rock star wannabe. He says:

...you do hear an inordinate amount of whining about being forced to travel around the country with a corporate card, stay in nice hotels, do radio interviews, and appear at bookstores. You hear a lot of whining about, you know, the people with the bags of books, or who want to get their manuscript published and are asking inane questions, and I'm thinking, "That's great! What the hell else do you want out of life? These people respect what you're doing, they appreciate it, and they want to be like you." When writers complain, it's like, "Don't you remember when you were hungry? Don't you remember when you hadn't had your books published? Or were you always just destined for literary greatness?" I consider myself to be like the people in the audience. You know, if a schmuck like me can get his book published, anybody can. I don't understand the aversion to book touring. <

CHICKCLICK IS GONE
According to the Wall Street Journal, chickclick.com has shut down due to all the standard reasons. Too bad. Even though I'm a guy, I dug that site. Check out their sign-off message, which basically sounds like a call to arms for female bloggers to pick up the flag and keep the concept alive in some form.

BTW -I'm waiting for the day that a single web site gathers all the front page closing messages from failed dot coms. That will be an interesting history of the dot com era.

REAL ART IS ABOUT TRUTH
From the web site of musician, artist and loveably obsessed wack job Bill Nelson: Will I be able to lose some of my extra winter weight before the Stewart Adamson tribute concert or will I wobble on stage in a state of indifference?  How age robs one of one's slender beauty. That and cream cakes.

I'M TIRED...AND A TIP TO BEAT THE MAN OUT OF $100
Remember yesterday I told you Jake passed out at 4:15 in the afternoon and simply drifted into his night sleep without ever waking for dinner? After Natalie posed the questions Did he hit his head? Is he in a coma? I started to get nervous. I began checking the boy every 30 minutes, making sure he was breathing and no blood was streaming from his ears. Jeeze, being a parent is tough.

Anyway, he was fine, but I stayed up until 3:30 am. Just three hours later, young Jake stumbled onto my bed, tapped me on the forehead and announced Daddy, I want brecksticks (yeah, that's what he calls it). So I got three hefty hours of sleep last night and a few more after Natalie relieved me at 8 am. I'm kind of a mess.


Before I collapse for the night, I want to share a little tip on how to beat the man - the man named Sprint. The phone company. I have a Sprint cell phone and a few months ago, it got messed up with scratches on the window. I wanted a new phone, but let's face it - nobody but business suits pays big bucks (or even close to retail) for a cell phone. Everybody gets theirs for free when they get new service.

I brought my damaged phone to the Srpint store and asked Can I get a credit for $50 toward a new phone for turning in this one? "Ha!" they smirked. "No way. A new phone costs at least $99."

Fuck that. I'm not in love with Sprint and I could care less about keeping my number (btw - to avoid incoming calls, I purposely never learned my cell phone number). So I figured, Screw Sprint, I'll switch carriers and get a new phone in the deal!

And here's the trick - I decided to give Spring one more chance. Last time I dropped Sprint (for home long distance), I got about a dozen phone calls from them begging me to come back. We'll do anything they lied, even match other deals (which they'd refused to do before I switched). This time, before switching, I called Sprint's customers service, got a manager on the line and laid it out to them.

Dude, I'm about to switch cell phone carriers to somebody other than Sprint because I need a new phone and I don't want to pay for one. Would Sprint like to give me a new phone and keep me as a customer?

Shock of shocks, they bought it. The Sprint guy said Okay and proceeded to give me a $100 credit on my Sprint bill with the understanding that I would buy a new phone. By simply by threatening to leave, I got $100. Even though I did purchase a new phone, I was under no obligation. I could have simply taken the $100 credit and moved on. Not bad, huh?

Considering that phone companies eagerly lie and cheat to win or steal customers (ever hear of slamming?), I have no problem hitting them back for a $100. Anyway, it makes good business sense. It probably costs Sprint more than $100 to win a new customer. They might as well spend $100 to keep a current customer happy, right?

That is your business lesson today. Everybody with a cell phone go out and demand $100 from the man.

GET TO KNOW THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS
Every few years I get completely sick of music and stop listening to everything. Each time that happens, one CD or band finally picks me up and makes think, Hey, this rocks! Life is okay!

My most recent decent into musical boredom has been relieved by THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS, whom I've known forever but hadn't listened to in a few years. I picked up their CD Mink Car and have been loving it non-stop. It's smart, tuneful, wacky and every song is packed with more hooks than most bands create in a lifetime. Granted, it's a bit esoteric (especially if your idea of alternative is Dave Matthews). But Jeeze, I love a band that's unafraid to write songs about Sombreros, Bangs, and the volume level of a disco.

Want a taste of They Might Be Giants? Cool. I've ripped one mp3 for you - Yeh Yeh, a jaunty little strut sure to make you dance in your cubicle. When you're done with that, check out the John's website, THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS, which includes a selection of QuickCam movies (it looks like the guys literally did these in their apartment directly to the computer). My faves are Dr. Worm and I Am Not Your Broom. Feel free to click away, every link leads to something cool

As always, the mp3 I've included above is ripped in mono at 96K (1.8 meg) and will be removed in a few days. Dig it now and then go and buy some They Might Be Giants CDs.

DISNEY IS WATCHING
Not surprising, this. Since my Day At Disney photo blog was uploaded, I've been getting regular hits from the disney.com domain. Hi Folks! How about a refund on that tasteless hunk of hotdog you sold me?

I LIKE THIS BLOG
I discovered Every Little Thing I Do Is Magic when she linked to Suburban Limbo and gave us a nice little plug. Her exact words were Rawk on. How grrl-ish. Log-rolling aside, I find myself going back regularly. Her entries are weird and fun. I've never met her, but she sounds like somebody I've known forever.

WHO KNEW?


For all you geeks, here's a little Science Club porn - Britney Spears guide to Semiconductor Physics: semiconductor physics, Edge Emitting Lasers and VCSELs. It is a little known fact, that Ms Spears is an expert in semiconductor physics. Not content with just singing, in the following pages, she will guide you in the fundamentals of the vital laser components that have made it possible to hear her super music in a digital format.

Wow. If this doesn't help you remember the classwork, perhaps studying will.

ANOTHER SURPRISE FROM FOX
Jake crashed this afternoon at about 4:30 and never fully awoke for diner. He moved from bed to couch and drifted into his nighttime sleep (yes, I've checked on him and he's fine, he's not in a coma, as Natalie suggested, just exhausted). Left with the evening to myself, I was watching short films for the Florida Film festival when I stumbled upon a Fox News interview with UC Berkeley professor John McWhoter, a black linguist (loved by conservatives) who has written about the victim mentality of blacks and how that's holding them back far more than any white racism. His comments (which mercifully, the Fox anchor let pass without many interuptions) were fascinating and lucid eye-openers. In a world buried in bullshit, this guy could cut to the chase.

I immediately got online and started digging up information about John McWhoter. I ordered his book "Loosing the Race" and found this article, which is a transcript of a speech he made for Frontpage Magazine. It's long, but well worth reading. I've excerpted some of his better bits below.

We need to realize that a people can achieve despite there being racism, especially residual racism. It doesn't matter that maybe all White people don't think Black people are too wonderful. That changing is not what is required for a group to move up. And therefore our solutions to our problems must aim at giving the Black community inner pride through its own accomplishment.

I think that affirmative action in university education is an obsolete idea. I know many people think that it never should have happened. I would disagree, but I would say that it’s now about 15 years obsolete...

Lowered standards equals lowered performance. There’s your slogan. That’s it. There is not one group in the world – and I’ve been asking around, I’ve been talking to historians – there’s not one group in the world where standards have been lowered where the group has then jumped over the bar. And that doesn’t surprise any of us. When you take the bar and you lower it to here, everybody goes to about here except for the strange. You know, every now and then you get somebody like that [makes hand motion]. But for the most part everybody just stops right here. Simple as that.

I’ve seen at night, two glasses of wine, you know, relatives of mine who sound like Larry Elder. Then, the next day at the office or at some forum, all of a sudden, because they were trailed in a store once, they are, you know, victims in the same way as their slave ancestors, they weren’t promoted as quickly. All those things are very real, but there’s such a thing as degree...

Like I said, interesting stuff. I always appreciate somebody who presents a solid challange to the way I think. For further reading, here's a list of articles by John McWhorter.

NEED TO WASTE SOME TIME?
For a long list of links to silly, web-based content generators and games, check out The Brunching Shuttlecocks: Toys. My faves include the Alanis Morissette Lyric Generator (frighteningly accurate), the Goth Quote Generator and the Porn Star or Toy Pony? name game. Order lunch in and hang out at your desk today.

WOW...I AGREE WITH MSNBC'S CHRIS MATTHEWS!
Fearing the Bush administration's lust for war with Iraq, Matthews writes:
This country is led by a pair of oil-patch veterans who share an affection for the petroleum industry and a sense of entitlement about the world's oil reserves regardless of what flag flies above it. George W. Bush, reared by a wildcatting father whose Zapata oil company did business in the Gulf and counseled by a veep straight from the oil business, sees Saddam's chief weapon of mass destruction as his threatened grip on the Persian Gulf oil tap.

This confluence of interest between ideology and oil has put this country on the road to Baghdad. It's time for the country as a whole to realize that American principles have precious little to do with this costly military campaign, either as cargo or motive.

Hmmmm. Read it all at The road to Baghdad

WARREN VS. THE KAJUN HIPPIE
Warren says he believes the Kajun Hippie made "a remarkable number of mistakes in a very short time."

About Israel, the Kajun Hippie wrote They want a theocracy. Seriously. They want to be Jewish state, they want to set up an official home for Jews. Peopled by Jews and run by Jewish law.

Warren responds "No, no, no, yes, sort of, and absolutely not."

Says Warren:
Israel is nothing like a theocracy. They are a democracy. They have elections in which Arab citizens' votes are every bit as valuable as Jewish votes.

Israel is not a "Jewish state." It is a soveriegn nation set up as a democracy on the ancient and historical homeland of the Jewish people, as a refuge for the many displaced people after WW II. Jewish homeland, yes, Jewish state, no.

So, an "official home for Jews" -- yes. "Peopled by Jews" -- sort of, because Israel is peopled by anyone who wants to live there, including Arabs. Those pesky "refugees" weren't chased out, remember -- they left willingly when Arab leaders warned them of the coming invasion in 1948.

Run by Jewish law? NO. The connection between Israel's government and the canon of Jewish law (the Torah and the Talmud) is no different from our government's basis in traditional Judeo-Christian beliefs. But for instance, you can buy a pepperoni pizza on Passover in downtown Tel Aviv -- that would seem to run counter to a lot of Jewish laws.

The Kajun Hippie seems to have confused the Muslims with the Jews. It was the Ayatollah and the Taliban, for instance, that set up actual governments based on their religious beliefs.

Most man-on-the-street Israelis are very non-religious. For them "Jewish" is an ethnicity and a culture worth fighting for. It would not be incorrect to term many Israelis as Agnostic. There is a noticeable (and growing) fringe of fundamentalist-type Ultra-Orthodox who might want a theocracy, but they are much like our own American religious fringes.

There you go. I rather agree with Warren on much of this. Although I think that fringe of Ultra-Orthodox folks have a growing power in Israel, partially due to the country's Parlimentary system of government which tends to amplify the voices of minority groups (a fact -which I feel is neither good or bad - that was pointed out to me by Warren in another letter).

Also, the refugee issue (which is tied into the Palestinian's claim for a Right of Return) is not so cut and dry. Israel has said, Hey, we didn't throw out those folks, they fled. They could have stayed and enjoyed being Israel citizens. But we can't take them back now because their numbers have swelled to millions and they would tip the balance of power in our tiny country.

That statement ignores one obvious point - had the Palestinians stayed in Israel in 1948 and produced the same number of children over the years, their numbers today would have grown at the same rapid rate and they would all be inside Israel as citizens. Following that line of logic, today Palestinian's could right now be installing an Arab Prime Minister of Israel.

Anyone believe Israel would ever allow that to happened?

THE MUSIC BIZ AS DO-GOODER
From the NY Times a few weeks back, here's the rare snapshot of music biz folks doing something good for a change. It involves the Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? soundtrack, a lot of money and a guy who recorded a song 40+ years ago while serving as a prisoner in Mississippi. They producers worked long and hard to track him down in order to hand him a check for $20,000 of unpaid royalities. Wow. Anybody need one of my songs for a flick?

CONSIDERING A SWITCH TO MAC FROM PC?
Every since the new iMacs hit the scene, about five of my PC friends have switched to Macs or are strongly considering doing so. If you fall into this swelling category, Apple Computer wants to hear from you. Check out their pitch and drop a line asking all your questions or venting as you se fit. Though some might consider such a move crass, I rather like that Apple understands it needs to properly speak to that market.

BTW - I've read that something like 40% of the new iMac buyers are coming from the PC platform.

MEDIA BIAS?
Remember the claims in that book BIAS, that our evil liberal media identifies conservatives as conservatives in print but not liberals. Turns out that might not be true. As reported on NPR, some guy did a study on the Use of Political Labels in Major Newspapers and found that in fact, Liberals were identified as such more often than conservatives. This was true in a large general group of newspapers as well as a smaller group of "liberal" newspapers such as the Washington Post and New York Times.

From my own experience, ever since Uncle Ron was in the White House, I've noticed media conservatives are a lot more eager to identify themselves as such, as opposed to media liberals. As a result, it often appears to me that the vast majority of media voices in cable TV, radio and most newspapers (particularly in the second- and third-tier markets) eagerly speak from a conservative bias.

Even though the report linked above offers convincing proof of reality, I don't expect anyone who believes the claims of BIAS to change their minds any time in this decade. Such is life.

LOOKING PRESIDENTIAL
The Smoking Gun is usually good for a few laughs when they dig some dirt. While checking out Scorpio Monkey, I stumbled upon a link to a Smoking Gun video of George W. Bush getting interviewed while slightly drunk at a wedding. I was really hoping for something embarassing, but GW doesn't come off looking too bad in it. Sure, he's a bit plowed, but he's kinda funny and in a lot better shape that most wedding guests I've seen.

DOES THIS LOOK RIGHT?
Two folks have emailed to mention this blog looked wrong - one said the pictures and text were all mixed up and jumbled, the other mentioned that all the text was in italics.

I think the problem might be which browser is used to view it. I use Internet Explorer 5 and 5.1 for the Mac as well as Omniweb for Mac OSX. It all looks good with those. The reader who saw the jumbled text and photos was viewing with Netscape/Mac. There might be some issue with how it reads line breaks.

In any case, if you notice something weird, drop me a line and I'll pass it on to Chris at blogger.com central. Just for reference, this entry includes a title line in bold, followed by three paragraphs with empty lines inbetween the paragraphs.

UPDATE: I think I fixed the italics problem - there was an open tag and I closed it. That should be that. Thanks much to M of drinkdeeplyanddream.com for pointing out the exact entry and graph with the problem.

THE OSCARS
Four hours and 23 minutes. Can anything that takes long be any good? Jeeze, if they could just dump all the useless category introductions, they'd save 30 minutes (Cinematographers are the people behind the camera...). Who cares? Get on with.

Halle Berry's acceptance speech was interesting in a car crash sort of way. I was kinda hoping she'd never recover from the crying jag and instead rush offstage in a burst of tears and sobs, clutching the trophy to her vine-laced torso. It would have been so refreshing for a winner not kiss the ass of their managers, lawyers and business contacts in front of the 1 billion plus audience (there's some ego stroking, hmmm?). Of course, they probably would never work again, so we can't expect that to happen.

I could have sworn that in an earlier interview, Halle was asked about the racial implications of her winning earlier and she claimed it wasn't about race, it was about the work, the acting. I guess she changed her mind once she climed the steps. When she turned that acceptance speech into the black actress role call, I bet the Academy old-timers were cringing and muttering, Jeeze, we give the award and she has to bring this up in front of everybody?

Wasn't it odd that Randy Newman won his first Oscar in 16 tries for a feather-weight song he probably wrote in 10 minutes while sitting on the john? The guy's last album (which was great) sold 70,000 copies and it's his little monster buddy song that every is going to hum. There is no justice in the music biz.

And finally, something tells me Cirque du Solei was hired specifically to embarrass Debbi Allen for those years of hapless dance routines she inflicted on Academy Award Show viewers. Not that Cirque was so great or original (in fact, most of the routines were lifted from Cirque's running productions), but their sense of spectacle alone won a righteous standing ovation.

Not if we could just be rid of those cue-card reading presenters, perhaps the show could be put to bed before 11:30 pm.

LETTERS AND ISSUES
Many great letters have come in from new readers. Thanks much to all. Most have been positive, although Sadie looked at the Saudi newspaper blurb below and wrote Are you serious? We live under what is probably one of the world's most racist regimes ever. Period. Don't let the gloss fool you. Dig deeper.

Wow. I have no clue what to make of that. Is she saying the US is more racist than Saudi Arabia? Suggesting the canard about Jews baking with the blood of non-Jews is true? That the reasons for dealing with the Saudis go deeper than our lust for oil?

Whatever, I disagree on every count. Okay, maybe the oil issue can be augmented by US geopolitial needs (wanting a large country with a friendly government in one of the world's hotspots, near Russia). Hey, I can do the obvious liberal chants too (ca'mon, I was a folksinger!). Yes, racisism exists on a large scale in this country, but face facts - the US is by far the most integrated country in the world (especially for its size). We have more people from more nations living successfully here than any other patch of dirt in the world. We're one of the few countries whose population is almost completely imported. That alone makes us unique and drives us to face ugly problems like racism years before other nations deal with them. Europe is just starting to wrestle with some race issues the US fought over in the 1950s and 1960s. The Middle East, Africa and Asia continue to be virtually tribal (and highly sexist) in their outlook on outsiders.

Our country's ruling class is far more based on economics than race or nationality. As annoying as that is, economics is a field on which anyone can compete. There are wealthy male and female blacks, Jews, Latin-Americans, Eskimos and white Anglos. You want to play that game? Play it. Wall Street is there for everyone. I know, I used to work on it. Yes, you have to wear a suit and follow certain long-established rules, but the door is open if one is willing to make those concessions. Frankly, with the internet, a suit isn't neccessary anymore. In fact, clothing is optional for day-traders.

I tend to shy away from patriotic flag-waving because it's often used as an excuse to intimidate others. But the reason I fight and argue about the direction and policies of America is because I care deeply about its existence. The ideals on which America is founded are good and deserve to succeed. Those ideals are often twisted to fit somebody's need for money or power (hello John Ashcroft), but it's our job as citizens to twist them back into something more respectable.

So yeah, complain about racism all you want. Fight the good fight. But admit the truth - the US is years ahead of almost any other country in this issue.That doesn't mean we're perfect or close to solving the problem. Sadly, it just means much of the rest of the world is still divided into xenophobic tribes lying about the baking needs of Jews.

THIS JUST IN ...
Finally...a Saudi newspaper editor has retracted an article that defamed Jews by reprinting an old canard that they use the blood of non-Jews to bake holiday cakes. I guess I'm suppose to feel good about this retraction, but can somebody please explain why a country such as ours does business with people who print such anti-Semetic shit in their government-controlled newspapers? Oh yeah, I forgot. Oil.

GREETINGS
Due to a kind plug for Suburban Limbo on the front page of blogger.com, our daily readership has shot up to nearly a 1,000 from the double digits (and the low double digits at that). Wow...we got us an audience. At least for a little while. Hope all you new folks enjoy the rants. Check back often and feel free to comment on whatever you see.

A DAY AT DISNEY
Last week, gracious Natalie and I decided to take young Jake on his first adventure to Disneyworld here in Orlando. We figured Ooo, Monday afternoon, nobody will be there. Hmmm...it just goes to show how fucking little we locals know. It turned out Monday was not only the first day of Spring break, but it boasted some of the best weather in weeks. Thus, our trip trip turned out a bit differently than expected.



This is the 11:00 am ticket mob at the front gate. We waited about 55 minutes to crawl through this maze and plunk down $314 for three 4-visit passes (special rates for us Florida idiots - we can't figure out a ballot, but we get discounts at Disney!).



This snug little cruise across the lake turned out to be the least-crowded ride we would visit all day. At least there was a breeze.



Security was air-tight at the Magic Kingdom's Main Entrance. Many, many Disney cops. BTW, did you know that if you dial 911 on any Disney property you are routed to a Disney employee? Besides owning their own city, Disney also owns their own police force.



For amusment (or perhaps a secret Disney code), this guy kept a loud running count of every banana found in a guest's backpack. He was up to 35 when we passed by.



Jake knows nothing about most Disney characters (Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story is an exception). Even so, he instantly embraced any and all large felt creatures we encountered. I give them credit - the Disney folks know more than anyone about what's attractive to kids. We waited on a line for 15 minutes for this shot. For most of that time, Goofy's Handler kept shouting Goofy must leave in two minutes to perform at Cinderella's Castle! Just when we were next in line, some bitch of a 65-year Midwest tourist hag jumped the line in front of my three-year old son so that she could take a picture with Goofy. Ahhhh! I wanted to punch her. Goofy wanted to punch her (I could tell, even if his expression never changed). Happily, Goofy's Handler had him stay and pose with Jake before sending him off to dance and mime in front of the castle.



As you might guess, the park was packed beyond all belief. Jake announced he wanted to visit Mickey' in Toonland (probably the least interesting Land in the Magic Kingdom). We agreed, as we figured the rides would be packed at Noon. We fought the crowds, walked all the way to the back of the park and found Toonland was also mobbed. Jake discovered a playground and dissapeared inside this cave structure. We waited about 35 minutes for him to emerge.



In the meantime, I paid $3.25 for this massive hot dog that was as big (and tasteless) as my forearm. In a marketing screwup, the Toonland Hotdog girl doesn't sell beverages. For that, you're supposed to wait on another line. Fuck that. I did without a $2.25 can of soda.



Finally, Jake was ready to visit Mickey in his "house." This adventure started with a scrum moving through Mickey's rooms then out into the garden, where the real line began.



The garden line led to Mickey's Judge's Tent. What was Mickey was judging. Beats me. Perhaps he's counting number of idiots who will stand in the burning sun to visit him.



Here's Jake about 20 minutes into the Visit Mickey line, still in the garden, after he demanded that Natalie carry him. I felt about the same as he looked.



Finally we got out from the scorching sun and inside Mickey's Judge's Tent only to find...yet another line. This one was slightly better due to A/C and cartoons playing on screens, but I'd had enough and left. I'm too old to stand in line for an hour, or so I thought.



After about 65 minutes of waiting, Jake and Natalie enjoyed a brief session with Mickey along with another 6 folks. You see, Mickey stands in a room and they bring in 8 to 10 people at a pop for photos. Again, Jake spontaneously hugged the mostly felt character. Photos were like $15 bucks each, but the staff was kind enough to take this picture using my camera.



After all the fun and excitment of waiting on line for Mickey, we took the long train ride around the park in a half-successful effort to cool off and avoid crowds. After that, it was a 35 minute line for the Jungle Cruise, which kinda sucked because the "Captain" of our boat was obviously counting the seconds until his next smoke break. When I was a kid, I did this ride and the Captain said To our left is Livingston Falls, named after the famous explorer who discovered it, Dr. Robert Falls To this day that joke cracks me up, all the more so since it was obviously not on the Disney script.



Inbetween the Captain's droning comentary, Natalie snapped this shot of Jake and me. I'm the one on the right.



We next attended the Pirates of the Carribean, following a breath-takingly short 20 minute line. It might be 40 years old, but I still like this ride.



Following the traditional ride theme, we next hit the Haunted House. Even though we had Fast Pass tickets for this one, we wait for more than 30 minutes. I guess greeting the dead takes time. This ride also remains excellent, despite it's age. Jake was scared but hung on and made it without a tear.



The line for Winnie The Pooh's Adventure was a mind-boggling 65 minutes (at 6:00pm!). Luckily, our Fast Passes reduced that to less than 10 minutes. The ride was a silly line-up of pictures and figures, but Jake dug it.

We capped off the day with the Buzz Lightyear Adventure (wait time 30 minutes). I'm sure I took a picture on line, but I can't find it now. Anyway, the ride itself was a lifesize video game. Each cart had two light guns and a control shift that allowed the driver to point the cart. Points were awarded for "shooting" various elements of the displays. It was okay, but made me long for the days when Disney put in the effort to give their rides a special story.



Following Buzz, we fled the park before the evening parade started and trapped us all like rats (as Don Brody used to say). The crowds stayed with us all the way through the monorail ride back to the Main Gate and the tram back to our car. Fun? Well, sometimes. Next time, we'll check to see if school is in session or not. There's no way I'm gonna pay $35 to mingle ass to ass with 100,000 sweaty tourists for 8 hours ever again. If I ever make noises like that's my plan, please club me to death.

SHAMELESS WHITE HOUSE BASH OF THE DAY
The ever-lovely and grammatically correct Farran (from either NJ or NYC, depending on the time of day), sent us this clip from the Feb. 27th Financial Times. Since it's short, I'll run the whole thing here and save you a link. It ran under the headings of New Math and Aptless Ari.

White House spokesman Ari Fleischer seems to be suffering from a touch of his boss's problems with policy "verbalisation".

Briefing reporters this week in the wake of Daniel Pearl's murder, Fleischer cited a US-Pakistan extradition treaty signed in 1932. It had come into effect in 1942 when Pakistan was "under the British empire".

A hard trick to pull off, that: after all, Pakistan only came into existence when India was partitioned in 1947. So one reporter attempted to give Fleischer a history lesson: "There was no Pakistan in 1942."

So was the treaty with the British? "The treaty was with Pakistan, which was under British rule," insisted Fleischer.

Then, oblivious of the rule that when in a hole the best thing to do is to stop digging, he delivered his trump card. Fleischer said he was confident that there were Pakistani authorities at that time "because we just looked it up".

Farran notes My sister's comment on this was perfect: "So much for Bush being okay because he had surrounded himself with smart people."

NETWORK BLAHS
If the internet is ever going to replace TV or print it's going to have to get as reliable as those mediums. Last night, I tried to log on after midnight to blog a bit and my cable modem was crashing hard. The lights were flashing weird patterns and the 24/7 service Time Warner is supposed to provide turned out to be taking the night off. I tried various resets, then went to bed. This morning, it was fine. Who knows why. Gotta love this brave new world.


A MUSEUM OF GIGGLES


Finally, there's another reason to visit Iceland besides the bands, volcanic landscape and sky-high alcholism - The Penis Museum. Yes, the Icelandic Phallological Museum is the place to go if want to compare your manhood against the shafts of other mammals. That monster above is a whale member. Six foot long when flaccid. Ouch! If you're feeling threatened, check out the two millimeter hamster bone.

Oddly, the museum is missing a human contribution, although an Icelandic doctor has promised to provide his when he's done with it.

LOTS OF LETTERS
The good point of missing a few blogs is you folks start writing me. Regarding my rant about copy protection schemes in CDs, the ever-rocking Otis noteed Here's the reason copy protection will never work. I can always plug my CD walkman in my iMac's sound input and make MP3s that way. Sure, more time consuming, but time is what these kids have.

True, true - the analog solution will always be there. All these schemes prevent digital-digital-digital copying only. Drop in an analog step and all bets are off. If worse came to worse, kids will figure out how to set up speakers and stereo microphone and rip music that way. Analog technology is so good that most people will never hear the difference.

Reader Foxy wrote that he Loved the thread on Ashcroft. I think he meant the Ashcroft singing thing. Thanks! The Guardian in London has such a great sense of humor about covering American politics. But my question is this -- who is Foxy? He signed his name, but I don't recognize it. Wow! A real reader! Somebody I don't know! That's as good as a non-relative actually buying my CD in a store!

But wait, there's more! A free Ginzu knife! No, actually, it's a thoughtful letter from The Kajun Hippie who wrote:

You know why Israel is such a "grand experiment doomed to failure"?

They want a theocracy. Seriously. They want to be a Jewish state, they want to set up an official home for Jews. Peopled by Jews and run by Jewish law.

And history tells us that theocracies do not survive long-term because they are beset on all sides by religious enemies, and they rot from the inside due to religious dissent.

Meanwhile in the United States, our First Amendment prohibits our government playing favorites with any religion, so all religions are theoretically allowed to flourish and there are no genuine holy wars going on. We still get crazies bombing buildings -- mostly women's clinics -- but the general consensus is that they're nuts, and nobody's denying them the right to be Christians, even if they're very bad ones.

I don't think a Palestinian state will be the answer to Israel's problems, or Palestine's either. I believe Israel needs to rethink its priorities. I think they need to go about creating a nation in which Jews and Muslims can peacefully co-exist because neither group is violating the other's religious rights.

I guess when hell freezes over...

Another reader I don't know! Wheee! And smart too. I like the thought of standing back from the brink and looking at the bigger picture, although I don't know that I agree completely with the Kajun Hippie. I think in Israel's earliest days, they were willing to create a state that embraced local Arabs as well as Jews. And there are Arab Israeli citizens. But over the years, they appear to have fallen to second-class citizen status. And as Kajun rightly notes, the bickering from within is a sign of internal rot

During my last exchange with Warren, he suggested I (and Chris in NJ) read The Flame for a more rounded view of Israeli history. FLAME stands for Facts and Logic About the Middle East . It is a fascinating site and I suggest everyone check it out. After doing so, I wrote back the following to Warren:

I did check out the Flame as you suggested and found it quite interesting. But you do realize that it's a propaganda publication, right? Granted, I'm pre-disposed to agree with much of the material because I believe Israel has a right to exist in peace and that regional Arabs are the aggressors who want to force Israel into the sea. But there's no way any impartial organization can look at five decades of Israel history and never find a single flaw with the country's policies except that they're not aggressive enough dealing with the Palestinians.

Are you aware of the history of the Flame? How it's an offshoot of The Camera, a similar but even more one-sided group that formed in the wake of the bad press Israel got in 1982 after the Lebanon invasion and refugee camp incidents. These are organizations formed by Jewish American supporters to promote Israel's hard right line in America and go after anyone who dares to disagree (The Camera has been fighting with NPR for years because NPR has the audacity to interview Palestinians on air). They might be correct on many points, but still they are not making any effort to be impartial.

Mind you, the Camera and Flame are not alone. For the Palestinian version, check out The Washington Report on Middle East Affairs. It claims to be "published by the American Educational Trust (AET), a non-profit foundation incorporated in Washington, DC by retired U.S. foreign service officers to provide the American public with balanced and accurate information concerning U.S. relations with Middle Eastern states." Bullshit. A simple read of the headlines announces quite clearly that WRMEA reps the Palestinian side of the matter.

In the end, I'll read them all because it's always good to know what the hard liners think. But just as Arabs really want Israel out of the region, the Flame makes it pretty clear that from their point of view, there will never be peace with Palestinians because Palestinians don't exist, the West Bank doesn't exist, and no Israeli occupation exists. Reading the Flame just confirmed my original thoughts about the problem - it's a depressing mess. You've got two side who are not even arguing about a common reality anymore, they're just inventing different versions of history and trying to circulate them to the rest of the world.

Didn't somebody once say that truth is the first victim in these situations?

BLAH, BLAH, BLOGGING
I've spent most of the day and evening trying to email a press release to 150 media folks and my computer has not been co-operating. It's really more a problem of trying to do something complicated when I'm half-way into changing the system. In any case, it's been a pain in the ass. I have 15 shorts to watch before Thusday night plus finish all this computer upgrading. Ugh.

On the plus side, I finally fixed the carb in my Rambler. A few weeks ago, my father-in-law convinced me that rebuilding a carb was easy work. Well, he was half right. Rebuilding it was easy. Putting it all back together so that it didn't spew gasoline all over the engine block was another matter entirely. Total time - about 3 weeks.

BEBOPPING WITH BILL
On another note...about 5 years ago, I was interviewed by Forrester Research about the future of music online. I totally missed the Napster concept (which wasn't happening then anyway), but my prediction was that lesser known musicians - be they niche players or guys who had hits years ago - would find their new homes on the web, selling their CDs privately all across the globe.

I found the perfect example of my concept with Permanent Flame - The Bill Nelson Web Site., For those who spent a few years in the world of art rock, Bill Nelson was the raging guitarist and leader of Be Bop Deluxe, a fine 70s band that I discovered in college, after they'd broken up. Bill continues to release music to this day - frankly, I don't think he could stop. He's got something like 50+ albums to his credit. His site is like a glorified blog - he jots messages about his day etc, but also gives email addresses where fans can write to complain about BeBop albums being out of print. It's kind of the ME ME ME site, but that's cool. It's Bill's world and if you hang out long enough, you might start to care about NOISE CANDY, Bill's latest box set of 6 double-length CDs.

Like I said, the guy does not stop working.

In any case, check it out for no other reason that it's a taste of how I think musicians of future might offer themselves to the world audience.

CD PROTECTION
There's a lot of talk about CD protection schemes which will prevent users from ripping copies of their music. It will probably go a lot further. In an effort to extort some money from everyone each time they listen to a piece of music, record companies will probably try to rent the music - users can download the file, but it self-destructs after you fee runs out.

There are many, many schemes being considered, all of which stem from the fear record companies have about music being digitally copied fo free from CDs. Some would say the problem is the record companies themselves - for signing shitty performers and them refusing to sell the product in any other format except full-length CDs (someone compared that to Coke only offering Coke in 64 ounce bottles).

Here's my prediction - if record companies go the encryption route, audiences will rediscover vinyl. Yes, there are mountains of records all over the world and with a turntable, preamp and free software, you can record that music into your computer and rip a custom CD (and frankly, if the record's in clean shape, it sounds just as good or better than a commercial CD). Add to that all the indie musicians willing to give away their music, the few musicans who create something so unique people will pay them for it (in my book, Tom Waits) and whatever other forms of diversion/entertainment out there, and you've got an equation that spells the end of the music biz as we know it.

I, for one, won't be too sad to see it go. My turntable is set up and I'm looking at nearly a 1,000 records that I haven't heard for a while.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO...
I know I promised a Disney picture spread last week. It's coming soon. I've suddenly gotten busy with real and imagined work. I need to stop creating projects for myself.

MORE REASONS TO FEAR JOHN ASHCROFT
As if we need any...it turns out that between fighting international evil by preventing American bookstores to mention FBI requests about customer purchases, Mr. A keeps busy writing patriotic songs. His latest is "Let The Eagle Soar." Yes, bad musicians scare me. And not only is he bad, he's public about it. According to the usually snarky Guardian Unlimited Mr Ashcroft's staff are complaining that printed versions of the song are being distributed at meetings so that they will be able to join in. When asked why she opposed the workplace singalong, one of the department's lawyers said: "Have you heard the song? It really sucks."

Want to hear the golden throat for yourself? Check him out here, via CNN.com. He has an impressive vibrato.

COVER ME
Paradise City, a Guns 'N Roses tribute band gets the biggest press they'll ever experience in the The Pretenders, part of yesterday's delightful music-themed NY Times magazine. The writer is unafriad to reveal the dark conflicts within the band, as when he notices the group's Slash is a bit dumpy - Unfortunately, Young can't learn how to look like a mulatto former heroin addict, and he holds the only position in America for which that is a job requirement. He only vaguely resembles Slash, and his bandmates tell him he looks like an Oompa-Loompa from ''Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

My favorite quote comes when in describing the cheezeball bar in which Paradise City is gigging - This is the kind of place where you will see a college girl trying to buy a $2.25 glass of Natural Light on tap with her credit card -- and have her card denied.

My friends, this is rock and roll.

KILLING TIME
Remember PONG? Even if you don't, this little flash animation PONG - THE MOVIE is tons of fun. In fact, it's more fun than the game itself ever was. When you're done with that, consider the more intellectual challenge of playing PONG - THE TEXT VERSION. Look for the link on the same page as the PONG - THE MOVIE